Porn. It’s everywhere. Whether you’re stumbling across the newest porn videos by accident (yeah right) or gone searching with determination, there’s no denying the appeal. Or the impact it’s had on modern society, culture, and yes—your relationships.
To act like it hasn't seeped into every corner of life is like pretending everyone’s totally not a pervert beneath the surface. But here’s the kicker: assuming that porn is all doom and gloom is where we trip up.
Sure, porn can skew some views and set up unrealistic expectations, but it’s not all bad. It’s about how we deal with it that makes the difference.
If you’re using porn to get ideas for your real-life relationships, that’s a bit like basing your cooking skills on a food commercial, where everything is all perfectly styled and sprinkled with that unrealistic just-out-of-the-oven magic. Porn is a carefully staged performance. It’s edited to look flawless and never shows you the awkward leg cramps, accidental elbow jabs, or the ten minutes spent trying to get the right angle.
So, first things first: Porn is fantasy, not a relationship playbook. In the real world, people don’t have sex with perfect lighting, make no weird noises, or finish at the same time with a triumphant crescendo (sorry if that’s news).
It’s okay to get turned on by what you see, but if you expect your partner to pull off an Olympic gymnastics routine every time, you’re setting both of you up for disappointment. In reality, sex isn’t always seamless. It’s often hilarious, it’s always messy, and it’s about connection - not choreography.
Porn can definitely color your perception of what relationships and sex should look like. It’s like watching action movies and then being disappointed your daily commute doesn’t involve high-speed car chases.
And, look, it’s not just about acrobatic sex moves. Porn can also create unrealistic ideas about body types, stamina, or what’s “normal” in bed. Spoiler alert: there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex, and real people don’t all look like fitness models who somehow never sweat.
If you're a heavy consumer of porn, there’s a chance you could start seeing your relationship through that lens, with weird expectations bubbling up in your head. Maybe you expect constant variety, or you’re holding your partner (or yourself) to some unattainable standard. But that’s a one-way ticket to frustration.
Real intimacy isn't about repeating what you’ve seen on your screen. It’s about what works for you and your partner. The goal isn’t to mimic; it’s to connect. Your sex life should be a two-way street where desires, boundaries, and enjoyment all come into play. It's not a one-man (or woman) show where only one person gets what they want.
If you’re all for a fulfilling, exciting sex life, it does NOT mean throwing out porn. But it does mean talking about it. Communication is key to making sure both of you are on the same page. Don’t just quietly stew about your frustrations or let wild fantasies simmer in your mind. Be brave - talk to your partner.
Just don’t be a weirdo about it.
Start with a conversation that’s honest but respectful. If you’ve got specific desires or preferences (thank you, porn, for showing me what cuckold is, but hey, maybe that’s not for everyone), throw them out there, but remember: it's a two-person game. Their comfort matters just as much as yours.
Ask your partner what turns them on. Maybe porn has given you both a few ideas that you want to experiment with or maybe they find the idea of recreating a porn scene comically awkward (which, tbh, it can be!).
Having a conversation doesn't have to be serious or overly formal. You’re allowed to laugh while discussing things. You’re allowed to be human about it. But talk.
One of the biggest killers of sexual satisfaction is the assumption game. If you’re just assuming your partner’s supposed to read your mind like a porn star whisperer, you’re going to end up with mismatched expectations and probably a lot of awkward silences.
Set some realistic goals for your sex life – the type that doesn’t revolve around trying to mirror unrealistic onscreen moments…and angles…and, well…the rest of it, too.
